Atrophy
by high and down
Summary: Leon is a little psychopathic. AU LC
1. Man's best friend

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**Atrophy**

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_Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and characters belong to Square Enix._

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The twittering of birds caught Leon's attention and he looked up, seeing baby birds in a nest just above his head. Straggling brown feathers dampened with humidity and sweat and dirt. 

He lifted his hand to the beak of one small, stringy chick and it shied away. He remained immobile and gradually, it moved closer to his fingers and hesitantly nudged his nail. Leon's mouth twitched slightly and in one fast swoop he seized the small body tightly in his hand, flung it onto the ground and promptly crushed it with one foot, hearing a faint chirp and crunch of hollow bones beneath his boot as he ground it into the dirt.

There was a brief twittering from the remaining birds in the nest – one less sibling, which meant a little more room and a little more attention for all of them. Leon wiped his shoe on the grass and slung his bag over the other shoulder. Cloud was a little further ahead, checking his watch worriedly.

They'd known each other for a fairly long time. Leon had just entered the rebellious world of adolescence when he'd met Cloud.

_He'd entered the grungy garage in search of old car parts, or any machinery that was now considered junk. He'd only come in here a few times before and although the owner was rude, coarse and unhelpful, he usually found what he wanted. _

_There was a loud crashing noise from somewhere behind the counter, followed by a loud "Shit!" in a voice that Leon was sure didn't belong to the unshaven old man._

"_What have you done now, brat?" barked another voice that undoubtedly belonged to Cid. The top of a ruggedly shaven dirty blonde head appeared in the back door and Leon raised an eyebrow challengingly. _

"_Oh, it's you," Cid grunted. "Hey! There's a customer, get your spiky ass moving!" He disappeared again behind the door and the reluctant sound of a motor started up._

_A boy about the same age as Leon stood up from behind the counter, flicking his hair out of his eyes and turning to stare at him. Leon's eyes flicked up and down his body quickly, taking in the dirty grey tank top sticking to a sweaty twelve or thirteen year old body, blonde hair that didn't know or understand gravity and blue eyes that were gazing at him nervously. _

"_Can I help you?" he inquired timidly. _

"_Can I talk to Cid?" _

"_Cid's … busy," came the response._

"_He's just in there." _

"_He's **busy**." Blonde eyebrow lifted, a pair of blue eyes gazed at him with a little more backbone._

_Leon clenched his fist with irritation. This kid wasn't worth it. He was worthless. His fucking voice hadn't even broken yet. But he didn't like it when he didn't get his way. _

"_Look kid, you've got a pretty face, so don't make me break it. Just let me talk to the old man."_

_The blonde's eyes widened but he shook his head and put his hands on his hips, trying to look threatening. Leon nearly laughed. Nice try, midget._

Nothing explained how he'd somehow run into Cloud every other day following that. He eventually got so fed up with it that he did bash the blonde up. Sent him home with a torn lip, some showcase bruises and a fractured wrist. Cloud had sworn at him, threatened him. Revenge or some rubbish like that. The two had quickly become enemies.

Still didn't explain how they'd grudgingly become friends in the end. Leon didn't understand it. He didn't understand it at all.

Didn't explain how they'd become flat mates during university. Didn't explain anything at all.

He watched Cloud smile at Aerith, say something and laugh lightly. Charity work? No, Cloud genuinely liked being in her company. That poor retarded Mongoloid with her long brown hair and droopy eyes and lazy smile. Down Syndrome or something like that. Why did Cloud even bother with someone like her? All she did was simper and giggle and plod along on her podgy legs.

Cloud glanced backwards at him, smiled and then turned back to Aerith and laughed again. Leon's gaze hardened and traveled downwards. Cloud was oblivious, really. He spent all his time smiling and helping people and talking to nice girls. He had no idea. No idea what Leon would like to do to him.

_Wouldn't you like to tell him? Wouldn't you like to whisper hotly in his ear as you pin him against the wall? Wouldn't you like to fuck him through and hear him cry out?_

Leon was in no way a fag. No sir. They disgusted him. What sort of man looked at other men in that way?

Cloud was different. Cloud was attractive in a way that defied gender discrimination. Cloud was an exception. Besides, Leon looked at girls too, so that balanced it out and made things alright.

His eyes traveled down the curve of Cloud's back, down the curve of his backside, his legs, back up again …

"Hey man." Seifer had appeared at his side. "I'm all out of meth. Can you gimme a hand?"

Funny, how Seifer had that habit of appearing whenever it suited him or whenever he needed something.

Leon slid his eyes away from Cloud and gazed at Seifer. "No. Fuck off."

Seifer's brow furrowed and he kicked the dirt, spit downwards at Leon's feet. "Fuck you man! Thanks a lot. Thanks for that. Real mate."

Leon offered him a cigarette.

"Fuck, man! Like that'll make up for it." Seifer accepted nonetheless and lit up himself, blowing smoke out the corner of his mouth. "Ogling pretty boy again? I thought you woulda jumped him ages and ages ago. What's stopping you?"

Leon didn't answer.

"Shit, what's jumped up your ass today?" Seifer looked at him incredulously. "No, wait, I don't want to know. Tell me when you've done the gay fucker. See you round." And he was gone again, just as he pleased. Prick.

Leon turned back to Cloud, who was now approaching him. The blonde sniffed the air and his eyes met Leon's, but neither said anything. Leon knew that Cloud hated him smoking.

"I'm going home," Leon announced flatly, but paused at the sight of Cloud's suddenly widening eyes and horrified but suppressed gasp. His gaze followed Cloud's to the mangled mess of feathers and dark shiny bits of organs.

"Oh, that. Must have been a cat or something. Horrible, aren't they?"

Cloud swallowed. Forcing himself to look away, he nodded. "I'll see you later at home."

* * *

Leon took profit of Cloud's absence to use the last of his crystal meth. Damn straight he wasn't going to give any to Seifer, he hardly had any left now. Enough for one more day if he was lucky. Cloud had found the speed carelessly 'hidden' in his room a few months prior. 

"_Leon, why do you do this? It's damaging you. Please stop."_

Yeah, Leon didn't buy speed anymore. He squirmed uncomfortably remembering Cloud's hurt gaze. He'd kept his promise.

But damn, Cloud didn't know what damage he'd done. Crystal meth was so much more expensive. Leon knew his finances were not going fabulously. He didn't turn up to work anymore. Couldn't be bothered. Spent a lot of time out with his friends. Good times.

Like last week. They'd sorted that Thai restaurant out right. What the fuck was the owner thinking, setting up an Asian restaurant in the middle of **_his_ **suburb? He snorted, remembering the message they'd scrawled across the building. That'd teach the foreign cunts.

He shook his hair out of his eyes and laid back on the floor. The carpet needed a clean. Cloud usually did the cleaning but … Leon had insisted he take a break.

"_You're always doing that. Just let me for a change, will you?"_

Grudgingly, Cloud had accepted, but Leon had never got around to actually doing any housework of any sort. Cloud was the one who usually did most of it. In fact, Cloud did mostly everything around the flat. He'd have to ask the blonde to throw in a blowjob with the next lot of chores.

'Fuck … can't get off now …' Drained of energy, Leon let his eyes roll back and his fingers absently traced over the bumps in the carpet. Definitely needed a clean. Would Cloud realize that he hadn't done any housework?

His eyes rolled back and he hyperventilated a bit, allowing the dizziness to accelerate his escape into dreamland. The sunlit patch of carpet slowly shifted across his face, eventually disappearing with the dark of night.

* * *

Leon woke with a start. Shit, what time was it? He looked at the clock hanging above him. Almost on cue the sound of light footsteps and a tinkle of keys alerted him and he sprang to his feet, hurriedly brushing his hair through and rubbing his face to get some blood going through. 

"Hey, sorry I'm late, Aerith wanted to show me her new fish and … y'know, it kinda took longer than I thought it would … " Cloud trailed off, seeing Leon reading a newspaper on the couch.

"Whatever," Leon muttered. Cloud could do what he liked. He didn't care.

"Are we going for drinks then?"

Leon closed his eyes momentarily, letting the throbbing in his head swallow him. He couldn't handle a hangover along with this. "I'm not going."

Cloud blinked, fidgeting. "Um …"

Leon's eyes flicked up catching Cloud's, and the blonde blushed slightly. "I'll go for dinner by myself then."

'Whatever,' Leon said to himself silently. Asshole. He should probably go with Cloud. The kid would be feeling lonely. He'd want company. Leon.

"Well … see you later, then," Cloud concluded, looking doubtfully at Leon, who didn't respond.

The door clicked shut and Leon sat up, staring at it. It amazed him, how Cloud was so … forgiving. God's little messenger. All smiles.

It sickened Leon. One day somebody was going to take advantage of the blonde's selflessness. Leon growled to himself and lit up a cigarette. He could always air the apartment out later. Cloud wouldn't notice.

He spent the next few hours flicking through channels, stopping at one stage to watch some dark haired girl tearfully kissing her boyfriend. Tch. She must have been completely oblivious – why the hell would the guy even put up with her weak hysterics unless he wanted to give her a good fuck? Essentially the only thing a woman was good for. They complained too much, were too emotional, they demanded too much attention. Girls never realized they were just being used, deluded cunts.

Leon looked down at his clothes. They were tattered and needed a wash. He needed to buy new clothes. Where had all his money gone?

No, but he remembered. He couldn't afford to eat these days. Cloud didn't know because Leon had taken every precaution to ensure that nobody could find out. He didn't need sympathy or charity from the over-generous blonde. One day somebody was going to take advantage of Cloud's selflessness.

That was why he couldn't go out for drinks. Not like he needed it anyway, he was already high.

Panadol. That'd work. Panadol killed the headaches and got him high too. Double jackpot! That stuff was gold … he loved whoever had created it. It was cheap, too.

Maybe Cloud had some. Leon was all out; he didn't buy that shit anyway. Last time he'd gone to a pharmacy they'd tried to get him to buy some fucked iron tablets or something that some doctor had apparently prescribed him several months back. Fuck that. He couldn't afford that fancy shit and he didn't need it. Who cared what some jackass doctor thought.

He stood in front of Cloud's bedside table, pulling open the drawer and sorting through the contents. It was a little messier than he would have expected Cloud to usually be. A tissue box, some jewelry, hair wax … hello, Panadol.

Really, one day somebody was going to talk advantage of Cloud's selflessness – he just let people walk all over him.

There was a loud knock at the door. "Leon, you there?"

Leon groaned. Fuck that Zell.

"You're in there my pretty. I can smell you," sneered Seifer's laughing voice. "Come on, we're taking a night out!"

Leon closed his eyes and swallowed three Panadol tablets. He took a deep breath. Well, it was only those two, and Cloud wouldn't be back for a while.

"You fucker, can't you shut up for one moment? You're gonna wake the whole fucking apartment block."

"Like the whole place would be asleep at this time of the night."

The door slammed open and Leon glared out. "Keep it down." Zell stared at him and Leon spat at him. "What?"

"Shit man, you need to sleep more," Zell said in awe, taking in the dark shadows around Leon's eyes and his pale, distressed complexion.

"Whatever."

"Come on, let's go," Seifer snapped.

* * *

"Oi, check this out!" Seifer yelled out to him. Leon glanced over his shoulder. "Hm?" 

Zell gave the dog a good hard kick and laughed as it yelped and collapsed on the floor. "It's crippled, man. An old dog … blind too probably." He bent down in front of it."You can't see me, you sad old cunt, can you?" He flicked a pocketknife open in front of its eyes and waved it. "You can't fucking see that, can you?"

"Hey, give me that." Leon snatched the pocketknife out of Zell's hand. "Didn't you know you could poke somebody's eye out with that?"

"Sounds like fun," Seifer commented.

"Nah, watch this," Leon smirked. He pinned the mongrel under one of his boots, squeezing it against the ground tightly. It whined and made pathetic attempts at struggling but Leon didn't budge. He bent down and grabbed the dog's hind leg, and in one swift motion had sliced through the tendon in the back of the leg.

"Now it's crippled," he stated, satisfied with the piercing, pained crying now coming from the pitiful animal.

Zell stared at the blood coming out. "Woah, look at that …"

Seifer shuddered a little and looked at the tendons behind his own knee. "Can't imagine that happening to me. It'd hurt like fuck, man."

"Course it would."

Leon gave the dog another kick just to feel its solid mass against his foot. "Shut up, you mongrel." _Take the pain. Deal with it._

Pathetic sod.

The dog managed to drag itself away from the laughing boys who were now sitting on crates talking, into a dark alley where it collapsed in a heap of garbage that had spilled from an upturned Dumpster.

"Hey, let's go drinking."

Leon sighed. He didn't want alcohol. He felt better after the Panadol but he'd probably had enough drugs for tonight. But … who cared? He'd wake up trashed tomorrow and Cloud would take care of him. A small smirk pulled at his lips and he smacked Seifer over the head. "Good idea."

* * *

"Cloud!" 

Cloud turned around to see Sephiroth a few steps away. "Oh, hi."

Sephiroth reached where Cloud was sitting and leant against the back of his chair. "Having dinner?"

Cloud nodded.

Sephiroth seemed to mull things over and then asked, "May I join you for dinner?"

"Hm? Yeah – sure …"

The older man looked at Cloud carefully. "How are your studies?"

"Good."

"And Leon? Where is he, anyway?"

Cloud let his fork rest on the table for a moment, hesitating briefly before answering, "He's good. He's at home."

There was a flicker in Sephiroth's eyes but he continued to chatter idly as they ate dinner, keeping the conversation away from anything that might be happening at home.

When they were finished he offered to walk Cloud home. Cloud said that it was very kind and he'd be pleased if Sephiroth would do that.

There was something about Sephiroth's courteous manner that made him wonder. Well, in contrast to Leon … people often asked him why he was friends with Leon. Sometimes Cloud asked himself that too.

He certainly understood why it seemed strange. Leon was … Leon was Leon. Okay, Cloud admitted, he was not the most refined human on the face of the earth. He wasn't refined at all. In fact, Leon was … why was it that Cloud could never think of the right words to describe him? He could think of a million things that Leon _wasn't_. He certainly _wasn't_ polite or thoughtful or kind or disciplined or virtuous or sophisticated, no, none of that.

He blinked, to see Sephiroth's face looking into his. Sephiroth chuckled. "You were a million miles away, just then."

"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry …"

"Don't apologise. Anyway, you're nearly home. You can relax and let that brain sort itself out."

"I probably do just need some sleep," Cloud admitted.

"Hm." Sephiroth smiled and then took Cloud's arm unexpectedly. "Look at this."

Cloud nearly stumbled over a pile of rubbish that had been strewn about the alleyway and caught his foot in something soft. A quiet whine floated from the darkness and Cloud started. "What the –"

The dog's leg had bled where it lay and the dark sticky pool of blood was covered in flies. The snapped tendon had split and fur was matted into the wound, the dog's tail weakly flapping against the ground.

Sephiroth bent down, carefully avoiding the mess of frenzied insects that reeked of blood, and pointed to the hind leg. "I don't think anything can be done. Even if it heals, it probably won't heal correctly. She'll be crippled for life. "

Cloud saw it, saw it blindingly clearly despite the murky shadows of the evening, and felt his stomach contract and force its way up his throat. He turned around and vomited onto the ground, puking into an empty cardboard box.

Not taking any notice of Cloud's obvious discomfort Sephiroth continued, "It would hurt, don't you think?" He peered closer at the wound, waving away the flies to get a better look.

"That's disgusting," Cloud choked.

Sephiroth looked at Cloud's distressed face. He smiled inwardly to himself. It amused him to no end to see Cloud like this. In strife. He laughed out loud inadvertently at the silly play on words and Cloud stared at him. Sephiroth smirked widely. "It is rather. You wouldn't like to see it done to somebody else, would you?"

Cloud regarded him with wide eyes. "What?"

Sephiroth had always been a little weird, but being the forgiving and overly generous being he was, the blonde had readily accepted this. However, now it was getting scary.

"Seph – Seph, I don't understand … what …" Cloud trailed off, as if he really didn't want to know.

Sephiroth looked at him in the eyes and faked surprise. Fairly well, too, even if he did say so himself. "What? You didn't know? Leon did this."

Cloud's eyes grew so large that they could have fallen from his head and he backed away. "No, Leon couldn't have … no, what are you – Leon wouldn't!"

The silver haired man didn't say anything, simply looking at Cloud, expressionless, still being entertained by Cloud's antics but not showing it.

Cloud shook his head. No, Leon wouldn't. Not something like – like –

Would he?

"No," he whispered, more to convince himself than anything. "He wouldn't …"

Sephiroth was enjoying this immensely. Nothing pleased him more than to play with Cloud's head. The silly boy really thought that everybody was 'good' deep down. That was one of his many faults. But he liked Cloud all the more for those faults.

Sephiroth pretended to become concerned. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize this would upset you so much. I should have recognized that. Let's get you home."

Cloud stared at the dog. He couldn't take his eyes off it. Leon wasn't perfect, nobody was, but he couldn't have gone that far. Leon wasn't like that.

Leon would be at home.

Cloud closed his eyes momentarily. He didn't know if he could face Leon just now.

"Cloud," Sephiroth called from at the end of the alley.

The boy hurried away from the dog, trying not to feel its begging eyes on his back.

* * *


	2. Community Service

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**Atrophy**

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**

Sephiroth said goodbye to Cloud at the door, his gentle smile back in place. Cloud was too shaken to say anything. He barely managed to choke, "Goodnight," and didn't look at Sephiroth's face.

He tiptoed in, dreading an encounter with Leon. What the hell could he say? He didn't know if he should confront Leon about the matter or just ignore it.

When he realized that Leon wasn't in, he breathed a huge sigh of relief.

'_Thank god._'

Cloud tried so hard to be nice. He tried to smile. He tried to be the brightness in Leon's life because he wanted to make up for – and he admitted it reluctantly to himself – he wanted to make up for Leon being such a completely twisted prick.

He knew, deep down, what Leon was really like. He didn't want to know, but he did. Leon could very well have mutilated that poor animal.

He took a shaky breath. Did he really have such little confidence in his friend?

Was Leon even his friend?

What … Of course he was. Even if Leon was the way he was … Cloud tried to help him. He tried. Didn't he?

He groaned out loud. Way too much thinking.

It was hot in the apartment and he put his hands on his heated cheeks, deciding to get a drink of water. As he shut the fridge door his ears caught the clinking sound of the keys in the door and what had to be Leon's footsteps entering.

Cloud froze.

_Hadn't been expecting him, hadn't been prepared for this – **fuck, **what can you say to him_?

Leon turned into the kitchen and saw Cloud standing there with his glass of water, and his shocked expression.

"Cloud?" Leon was in a good mood. He hadn't had anything to drink at the bar due to his almighty headache (which had, of course, faded as soon as they left the bar) but Zell and Seifer had been entertainment enough. He laughed to himself. If they managed to get home tonight without anything happening to them it would be a complete miracle.

The condensation from the cold water was slippery on Cloud's fingers and he wasn't supporting the bottom of the glass. It slid coldly through his hand and smashed onto the floor around his feet.

"Cloud!" Leon grabbed a dustpan and brush from a cupboard, telling him, "Don't move."

Cloud looked as if he wanted to say something. He looked contemplative for a long moment, while Leon tried to sweep all the glass up and away from Cloud's bare feet. "Okay?"

Cloud opened his mouth but didn't say anything. After a while he said quietly, "Yeah. Sorry."

Leon wrapped the glass up in a paper bag and disposed of it, not saying anything else to Cloud. He left the kitchen and Cloud heard the soft click of a door, water running, Leon beginning to brush his teeth and getting ready for bed.

Cloud still hadn't moved and a pair of dark pleading eyes flashed in his memory. The dog … couldn't he have done something to help it? He had been so shocked that it hadn't occurred to him. He hadn't thought of the poor thing at all. It would still be there, wouldn't it? Could he bear to go back and see … see what Leon must have done?

Something froze him to the very spot he stood in, and he found that he couldn't move. He really should go and help that dog. If he didn't, he'd feel guilty for the rest of his life. How could anybody forget that?

And then he heard Leon's door shut, signifying that he was going to sleep. Without a word. Leon never said anything. He never greeted Cloud or started any sort of conversation or even acknowledged him. Cloud's fist clenched a little. He didn't even have the decency to say 'Goodnight' or 'I'm going to sleep now'.

So what if it was Leon who had done that? Cloud had every reason to go back. And if Leon found out or anything … well … that was just too bad.

As quietly as he could, he took the keys and crept out of the apartment, locking the door behind him. It was dark and he could hardly see anything since the hallway was poorly lit. It was worse when he got outside. The night had fast become pitch black and he tripped over the doorstep, cursing. "Shoulda known that was there by now," he muttered under his breath. All this for a bloody stray dog.

Did he even remember where it had been? He hadn't taken notice of where he had been going with Sephiroth.

Cloud tried as best he could to find the same alley he had visited previously, but in the dark things were so different and he never went to this area and _shit _he should have brought a torch or something.

He looked around and swore. "Great," he muttered. Where the hell was he now? He didn't recognize this area at all. There were dark entrances to more back streets, high fences topped with barbed wire framing the pale half moon, one or two barely visible streetlamps, one of which was flickering and caused a pain in the back of his head when he looked at it.

He heard something make a dull 'clank' and spun around, heartbeat speeding up, but he couldn't see anything in this pitch black. A footstep. _Shitshitshit._ Not a good time to be in this sort of place.

"H – Hello?" he tried cautiously.

There was a low chuckle. "Cinderella lost a slipper, then?"

Cloud licked his lips nervously. "I don't want any trouble … I … I'm a little lost."

Quite suddenly from the shadows a body appeared in front of him, piercing green eyes staring down into his. "Well now. Maybe I can help you out there." A hand reached for Cloud's face. He slapped it away, startled. "Don't touch me!" The lighting was terribly dim but he could make out a tall shadow, long pale hair and dark skin.

"Tch, sensitive little princess, aren't you?"

Cloud's heartbeat had shot right up by now and he could hear it pulsing in his ears. This had been a terrible idea. Out in the middle of nowhere, by himself, at night, looking for some stray mongrel that was probably already dead. _You've really done it this time, dickhead!_

He swallowed and held his breath as the face drew nearer.

"What's your name, princess?"

"Hey, no more time for fairy tales. It's bedtime," came another voice, this time from behind Cloud's assaulter. There was a sharp sort of crunch, like a fist against a skull, and the man groaned and slumped against Cloud, who let out a pathetic squeak, then another crunch, and the man fell to the floor squirming. There was a short scuffle as the man was beaten unconscious, and finally lay still. And then the new person grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and shoved him back against the fence.

Great. A new assailant.

A faint smell that he recognized – maybe it was ash or something. Cinders?

"What the fuck are you doing?" Leon's voice hissed into Cloud's ear. "Do you even know where you are? This is the worst fucking part of town to be!"

Cloud froze. He thought he was going to cry. Leon, of all people … _Leon_ had rescued him.

Leon stared into Cloud's eyes angrily. _What the hell were you doing? What if some – if some sick fuck like Ansem found you?_ He glanced back down to check that the white-haired man was 'sleeping' soundly. Good.

Cloud hadn't moved. Leon slammed him hard against the fence again, frustrated. He curled his fingers deeper into Cloud's collar. "Shit, if you – if –" He stopped. Why did he care, anyway? Cloud could do what he liked. He dropped Cloud and turned around. "I'm going home," he muttered. His headache was playing up again, and it was a lot worse this time.

Cloud hesitated for a split second before hurrying after Leon, eyes not moving from his back lest he get lost again. He was partially relieved that Leon hadn't asked _why_. But he was worried, too.

However, Leon didn't ask after they got home either, and he said nothing more to Cloud. As usual.

Cloud's mind flitted back to the dog, and he thought of the humiliation and the fear. Ashamed that he had failed so easily –_ you were just looking for a dog, and you couldn't even do that without fucking up!_ – he bit his lip and tried to forget it. Which was just as bad, because he didn't like animal cruelty, but what could he do? He'd tried, and the consequences had simply …

* * *

_God, not another day._ Headache still pounding into the back of his skull, Leon rolled onto his back and cursed silently. When was life going to pull out of this monotony? He couldn't stand it … there was nothing spectacular, nothing _worth it_.

Couldn't some miracle just appear for him and make everything better?

His hand searched clumsily over the empty bedside table. Out of cigarettes again, but he didn't remember finishing the packet. Things were like that.

Hey, no problem. Leon could drag himself out of bed, down to the shops, get another two packets to last the day through, get smashed in the evening and remember none of it the next day.

Didn't he have this discussion with himself every day?

_Fuck it …_

He cringed, irritated at the freezing water as he splashed his face. One day he was going to use hot water, really. And he needed a haircut. His hair was past his shoulders. _Looks like a fucking pansy._

"I'm going to get a haircut," he mumbled to Cloud as he looked around distractedly for his wallet. Where the hell had he left it? He could never remember these things. Fuck, if he had left it at the bar last night, that would just be peachy.

"Don't you want breakfast?"

_I would have thought that you'd know not to ask that by now. "But you never eat properly, Leon, and you **never** have breakfast." _

Leon shook his head.

"But you never eat properly, Leon, and you _never _have breakfast."

"Not hungry." He fished his wallet out from the CD rack where it had been firmly wedged – god knows how it got there – and growled as he flicked through and realized he was out of cash.

"Okay … well, could you get some milk and some more batteries while you're there? I thought that since you're going down that way anyway …"

"Yeah." Leon took the twenty dollar note that the blonde proffered and pocketed it. "I'll be back in an hour."

Seifer was lurking in the park, watching a pair of girls talking over coffee, and Leon surprised him from behind by kicking his feet from under him and pinning him down against the grass.

"What the fuck? – oh, it's you," Seifer growled. "Get off me, you fucking fag." Then he mumbled something nasty relating to little Cloudy and the sooner Leon did him the better.

Leon slapped him hard over the cheek and got off him, yanking him to his feet. "Ow, you prick, that hurt," Seifer growled, rubbing his smarting cheek that was quickly turning bright red.

"Shut up." Leon flashed the twenty Cloud had lent him. "I got some pocket money from mummy. Let's get a drink."

"You owe me a drink."

"I know, you prick, that's why we're going now. And – " he hesitated, not wanting Seifer to laugh – "I need a haircut."

Seifer took one look at him and burst out laughing. "Too right you do. Starting to resemble the YMCA members. Why don't you go join them? 'Oh honey, you'd fit right in!'" he ended with an exaggerated girly slur and a smirk.

Leon smacked him over the head.

"Fuck, stop hitting me!"

Leon knew it was starting to hurt Seifer but he didn't care. He often wondered what would happen if he hit Seifer too hard or too much. Maybe he'd like to find out one day.

**

* * *

**

On the way back from the very short round of drinks – twenty dollars only went so far – Leon spotted an old woman about to cross the road. She was very short and clearly couldn't see well, as there was a car fast approaching and she was about to step into its path. Leon's heart skipped and he ran to her and yelled out, "Hey, stop!" The woman stopped and turned to squint at him, giving a little cry when the car swept past her and sent a spray of dirty puddle water into her face.

"Hey, careful!" Leon exclaimed, gently taking the elderly lady's arm. "You nearly got run over! Here, I'll help you."

"Oh, I … my heart's all fluttery. Goodness, that was close. It's a lucky thing you shouted out like that! Thank you, young man," she cooed in a frail voice.

Leon took her shopping bags from her with one hand and guided her by the elbow across the road when it was safe. "There you go," he said with a smile when they were standing on the other side.

The lady smiled back at him, crinkles around her eyes showing. "Thank you very much."

"No problem. Take care." Leon handed back her groceries (not all the bags, but she wouldn't notice) with a nod and went back across the road leisurely, turning a corner and slipping into the first alleyway he found. He listened hard and after a few moments there came a cry.

"Oh! Thief! _Thief_!" More shouting followed but that was all he needed to hear.

Leon laughed to himself, shaking his head mockingly, and continued down the alley away from the sad old woman who had just lost thirty dollars' worth of groceries and a purse. Checking the shopping, he cheered inwardly at finding two cold fresh cartons of milk. Excellent. And a bit of loose change. He tossed the frayed silk purse into the gutter and pocketed the few coins.

Shit, he'd forgotten he was supposed to cut his hair. Never mind, he could do it at home. The idea of Cloud holding a pair of scissors, right near his face … he allowed himself a small grin and hurried home.

**

* * *

**

"Got the milk," Leon called out as he pushed the door open. "There weren't any batteries in the shop so I figured I can go back tomorrow," he lied.

"Oh, thanks. Really? Never mind …" Cloud appeared, looking flushed and a little sweaty. "I've been trying to fix the window. It's jammed half open and it won't shut at all."

Leon ignored what Cloud was saying and discreetly looked him up and down. _I wonder what he needed batteries for,_ he mused. _A vibrator_. He almost snickered to himself but caught himself and shrugged, staring past Cloud.

… Oh, right. The window. That was the other day when he'd been spitting on the people who passed under the window. He almost laughed to himself. That had been so fucking funny; people kept looking up just as Leon pulled his head back inside. Oh, the joys of living up high. He hadn't meant to push the window so far out though. _Wonder how that happened_, he mused idly.

"Cloud, can you cut my hair?"

"What?"

"I forgot to get a haircut."

"Uh, yeah, sure." Cloud shrugged and grabbed a chair, placing it on the floor in the kitchen. "Sit here."

Leon sat obediently and watched Cloud get a pair of scissors and a comb. He often wondered what had kept Cloud (as far as he knew) single. Without a relationship. Probably never laid anybody – he was too naïve for that. It was hard to believe, he mused, watching the fine muscles shift in Cloud's arm, the long eyelashes blink over pale skin, and everything else that was Cloud. Hard to believe, really, that nobody had had the perseverance to get into a relationship with him, as beautiful and sweet and gentle as he was.

Maybe it was his slightly twisted roommate that put people off?

…Nah.

He followed the line of Cloud's neck down into his shirt. Why did the blonde always have to deny a little more skin to the public, always buttoning the shirt up to appear so tidy and prudish and fucking goody-two-shoes?

Cloud looked up and flushed when he saw Leon watching him, but smiled nervously and motioned to the broken window. "I'll just try to shut it again. Don't want your hair blowing everywhere."

"_Leon, sweetie, can you shut the window please?" His mother slid the knife into the warm, freshly-baked chocolate cake and placed the generous serving onto a plate. "You can have some cake if you'd like."_

_Leon got up to shut the window for his mother and flinched as a cold gust of wind blew in. It was spring, but the weather was still a little chilly._

_A bug had flown in on the breeze and landed on the windowsill. A grasshopper or something, spindly and twitching. Leon grabbed it hastily and shut the window. His mother had left the room. _

_He pinned the bug's legs down with the fingers of his left hand and gently touched one antenna. The insect jerked backwards madly and struggled a little, but it couldn't do much. Leon moved his small face closer and peered closely at the wings. They were fine and very delicate, beautiful like water or glass and all shiny. _

_It wasn't fair that they could fly, and humans couldn't. If he took the wings off this little thing, it wouldn't be able to fly. He imagined wings sprouting from his own back and the feel of the wind rushing past his skin as he soared through the sky. This little insect was so lucky. It had been given the gift of flight. The light body would be battered about a little by the wind occasionally and it would come to land, clinging to a branch or flower stem. He twitched his hand to make it move its wings and watched, fascinated. _

_Then he smashed the insect's lower half with his hand suddenly and watched the head and torso writhe, the front legs squirming and gradually slowing to a halt until it was still. He squashed it completely and scraped the remains into the icing on the cake, and ate it. _

Cloud gave up on the window – he'd just ask a friend to look at it later, it was stuck pretty firmly – and turned around, only to have Leon's thin hands grasp his shoulders and suddenly, fast, so fast that he was disorientated, lips brushing over his and arms sliding around his waist. He froze, hand still clasped around the edge of the windowsill, feeling Leon pulling him upwards ever so slightly to close the distance. A hand slid lower, hot and dangerous, squeezed his backside tightly. Cloud abruptly ripped away and stared at Leon with large, shocked eyes.

Leon smirked briefly, gave a snort and raised an eyebrow. "Going to cut my hair then?"

Cloud's heart was thudding against his chest rather fast and he blinked hard. What the – what was _that?_ Had Leon sunk to the level of playing around with him like that? Surely he wasn't **that **– Cloud stopped himself before he could make any lies. Of course he was **that **degraded. Cloud should have expected it earlier, really. After all, it had to be obvious that he was in love, even to Leon. He should have expected the brunette to use that fact to his advantage much earlier.

His hands were shaking. He was going to get his heart broken, like this. He knew that would amuse Leon to no end.

'Whatever makes you happy' had an entirely different meaning in Leon's world.

"Ye – yeah. Sit down." Cloud picked up the scissors and, combing out a lock of fringe, slid the back of the scissor blade against Leon's skin and carefully cut the uneven ends.

Cloud with scissors, so _near_, fucking _touching _his _face_ – gods, that made Leon ten times harder than kissing him did. He contemplated what Cloud would say if he told him that. He'd have to try it one day.

Snip, snip. Brown hair fell to the floor and Leon was a little surprised at just how long his hair really had been. Now it was just below his ears, probably too long in the front but he liked it that way. He ran his hands over the back of his neck. Finally, bare skin.

Cloud gingerly brushed all the little bits of hair from Leon's shoulders. "Okay, all done."

Leon stood up and brushed his fingers through the shorter strands. "Thanks very much," he replied, and smiled sweetly. Cloud cringed inwardly. He hated it when Leon smiled like that at him. It made him hopeful. It gave him illusions that Leon was a kind person. It was a beautiful smile, truly.

Luckily it was very, very rare and so Cloud was blessed with cruel reality for much of the time.

"Oh … Leon, I'm bringing Aerith over this afternoon. She wants to watch Finding Nemo."

"She likes fish," Leon remarked.

Cloud nearly fainted. Leon had actually_replied_ to something he'd said! Struggling to maintain some sort of conversation – anything, really, this was once in a lifetime – he stuttered, "Uh, yeah. She named her two of her goldfish after the main characters." He gave a feeble laugh. "The third goldfish is called Cloud."

Leon raised an eyebrow. Cloud flushed and continued, "Are you going out or would you like to stay and … and watch the film?"

Leon considered briefly. Drinks or Disney? Hm, that was a hard one.

Wait, he didn't have any money. Not enough for a decent drink, anyway. He couldn't get any meth because he didn't have money. He couldn't even afford another pack of smokes. Fuck, money was such a problem these days.

Fuck it, might as well watch the fucking fish with Cloud and his fucking retarded whore.

"Whatever," he shrugged. "But first …"

He took Cloud's wrist and pulled him close, forcing him to angle the still-open scissors into Leon's hip.

"Leon – " Cloud tried to pull away, alarmed, tried to move his hand – but Leon was stronger than his flimsy frame would suggest, and he pulled Cloud tight against him. Staring into the wide, frightened blue eyes, he dipped his head until they were nearly touching noses and waited for Cloud's response.

Cloud's heart was pounding again and his hand was trembling again. Shit, _shit_, he could feel the pointed ends of the scissors digging through Leon's shirt but he couldn't move his hand – what the fuck was Leon doing? He wanted to look away but he couldn't – _why_ was Leon doing this to him?

_Stupid boy._ Leon grew impatient and kissed Cloud on the mouth, pulling Cloud's hand aggressively against him, driving the scissors through his shirt and into the skin. The cold bite of the metal inside his flesh made him cringe for a moment but fuck it made him so _hard_ and having Cloud pulled flush against him only made it better – he hastily pushed Cloud down on the table, his own weight forcing the blades deeper into his hip and the sharp edges gradually sliding open against his skin. He could feel the shirt starting to stick to him, wet with blood. Cloud was distressed, he could tell. The smaller boy was squirming – just like the bug had, under his power – and making a few whimpers into his mouth.

Leon took his lips away and soothed Cloud quietly, shushing him and kissing him gently on the cheek.

"Leon, please get off me," Cloud managed to say after a moment. Leon darkly looked him in the eyes. "What's wrong, Cloud? You don't like it?"

Cloud looked like he was about to cry. His hand was covered in Leon's blood but he was held in place and couldn't remove his fingers or shift the scissors.

"Leon, please …" he whispered, trying very hard not to cry. Why he had been _stupid_ enough to fall for** Leon**, of all people …

Leon gave a small chuckle. "Of course. We wouldn't want Aerith to interrupt anything, would we?"

Cloud's heart involuntarily fluttered and he cursed inwardly. Why Leon, of all people?

Leon gracefully stood back and offered a hand to Cloud, like a true gentleman. Swallowing and making an effort to steady his quivering shoulders, Cloud gathered what little dignity remained and stood up by himself, avoiding the dark eyes that were watching him.

"Hn." Leon crossed his arms and a shadow of a grin kicked up at the corner of his mouth. "I knew you weren't straight."

Cloud blushed so hard he could almost see the red from the outer corner of his eyes. At the moment, he just wanted to die. The humiliation was the worst. He didn't think he could ever look Leon in the eyes again. He'd never be able to look at a pair of scissors again without – without … With a start, he dropped the bloody scissors he was still holding, and jumped at the noise they made as they fell to the floor.

Without a word, Leon stooped and picked them up. Cloud took a step back, fearful of what the hell was going to happen now, but Leon simply ran them under the kitchen tap and rinsed his own blood off, calmly, almost bored.

Fucking **hell** …

* * *


	3. squirm

Atrophy

* * *

Cloud scrubbed excessively at his hand, scratching at the skin until it was red and blotchy and he could hardly feel anything at all. The soap had washed off well beforehand but he wasn't clean yet – Leon's blood was still on his hand, in his skin, and he couldn't seem to get it out.

Leon had to go and mess things up. He had to do this, didn't he? Had to do something like that when Cloud was going to have to sit through a whole afternoon with him, just _sitting_ there next to him. He found, once again, that he couldn't face the thought of looking at Leon.

He briefly speculated on what Leon could possibly get up to while he was asleep. He then shuddered and wished that he hadn't. He would be so much more comfortable in blissful ignorance.

Leon was leaning out of the kitchen window, burning an old shirt that he had soaked in alcohol, and was busy inhaling the scent from it. Cloud would have protested, of course, and put a stop to it, but he didn't have the nerve to, not after what had happened. Most likely Leon had known that and had taken advantage of Cloud's traumatized taciturn state as an opportunity to get away with murder.

A knock at the door, then a shy giggle. Cloud gave one last frantic scrub at his hand. He couldn't stand the thought of embracing Aerith with a hand stained by Leon's blood. "Coming!" he called over the gushing of cold water.

Passing Leon, he stiffened at the acrid smell coming from the burning clothing and gathered enough courage to say, although in a voice somewhat shakier than he would have liked, "Could you put that out, please?"

Leon appeared to either not hear him or – more likely – simply ignored him, but Cloud had lost his nerve anyway and quickly moved past to the door.

"Aerith!" he beamed out. Large green eyes smiled back at him and Aerith threw herself at him in that dopey way, yelling "Cloud!" rather cheerfully. Cloud hugged her tightly but was careful not to touch her with his hands. "Come in! Did you remember the movie?" he teased gently. Aerith nodded and held it up like a trophy.

Cloud paused. "Uh … Leon's gonna watch Finding Nemo with us, okay?" Aerith gazed over the blonde's shoulder at Leon who had abandoned the burning shirt and was now simply staring out the window. "Yeah, Leon can watch Nemo too!" she giggled. "Hi, Leon!" she called out and waved madly. Leon didn't respond.

Cloud hurriedly took Aerith's arm and tried to distract her by chatting mindlessly. "Come inside, don't stay out there in the corridor, we can make popcorn and stuff and how would you like that?"

He wished Leon would go away.

"Hey, Aerith, do you like jelly?" Leon had turned around and was smiling faintly at Aerith. Cloud, averting his eyes, had missed the soft and somewhat pitying smile that graced Leon's lips briefly. Aerith nodded eagerly. "I like pink jelly best!" she exclaimed. "Do – do you like jelly too?"

"Of course. My favourite flavour is strawberry."

"Look! Let's watch Nemo."

Leon nodded obediently. He'd seen it before.

God, that girl's face was retarded. How could Cloud stand to look at it? "You look pretty today, Aerith."

Aerith blinked flirtatiously. "Thank you."

Cloud nervously took Aerith's shoulder and turned her away from Leon. He hated Leon playing his fucking mind games. Mostly he didn't even know if Leon _was _just playing around or truly being sincere and he hated that, too. "Let's watch Nemo, okay?"

He took it from her and remembered the first time he saw it. Nervously asking Leon if he'd like to tag along. Leon had seen it with him but hadn't said anything for the entire evening. Cloud had been embarrassed. It was awkward when people said nothing at all, even when you asked them questions or stated your own opinions. When they had returned home, Leon had lit up a cigarette immediately and when Cloud had opened his mouth to object, Leon simply said, "I had to put up with your stupid film. Don't complain."

Cloud would dearly have liked to bitch something back but he hadn't the backbone – Leon's tongue was sharper than a knife. And besides that, he'd felt the sickly, burning realisation that he'd been manipulated again. Leon had walked all over him.

It hurt, too. Every minute spent in Leon's presence was another blow. He wondered how other people took it.

The film bubbled past in rivets of seawater but Leon's eyes took nothing in. Cloud was hunched over on the sofa, his chin on his knees and his arms circling around his bent legs. Leon could feel how tense he was, though. Most likely because they were sitting so closely together. Perhaps they needed another chair? It was quite tight. Just how he liked it.

It was Aerith. Usually they managed fine and had enough room not to invade each other's personal space, but that fat bitch took up more room than both Cloud and Leon together.

Leon was about to fetch a chair when Cloud's mobile phone rang rather loudly. Cloud cringed. Aerith didn't seem to mind, though, so he picked it up hastily without checking the caller and moved to the kitchen.

"-Cloud? It's Sephiroth.-"

"Uh, hi, Seph," Cloud murmured quietly, hoping that Leon and Aerith couldn't hear. Oh, god, Sephiroth's abnormal behaviour was the last thing he needed today. Any other day he could deal with the eerily refined man, but he hadn't the energy to right now. "What's happening?"

"-Would it be possible for me to see you?-"

"Now?"

"-Yes. I am on my way to your apartment.-"

Cloud blanched. Damn Sephiroth for being so presuming. "Um, I've kind of got a friend over and –"

"-Oh, I won't be long. I promise I won't take more than five minutes of your time. I'll see you very soon. Thanks, Cloud.-"

Cloud opened his mouth to say something else but heard only a click and then a dial tone. _He hung up already._

That self-presuming bastard – how the hell did he do that, anyway? Sephiroth just had a way of worming around people. Cloud felt he should be angry. He shouldn't have let Sephiroth just invite himself over like that.

Then again, he shouldn't have let Leon turn out to be the way he was.

Meanwhile Leon was remembering how much he enjoyed this film. It was entertaining. Well, Aerith seemed to like it too, but then Cloud had said that she liked fish very much. Leon enjoyed Nemo because he found the pure stupidity to be endlessly entertaining. The father went out on an adventure to find his son. How sweet.

Although. He wondered about that. Why bother?

More to the point, why did the father care about Nemo in the first place?

Leon didn't understand unconditional love. A father is not obliged to love his son in any way.

A son wasn't obliged to love his father, either. Leon puzzled over this. He vaguely remembered his father doing odd things such as ruffling his hair or smiling and saying, "Good work, son." He also remembered his mother doing much the same, as well as the typical motherly gestures that were afforded to affection. Just because he was related to them. He didn't get it. Life surely was a mystery.

Only a moment later, it seemed to Cloud, the doorbell rang. Cloud would have to get up and leave the room to answer it. He didn't like the idea of leaving Leon alone with Aerith. In fact, he hated it.

_But Leon is your friend. Such little trust you have in your friend …_

He closed his eyes briefly. Who knows what Leon might say – or do – to Aerith if he left them alone? Aerith wasn't a complete retard, but she was incapable of defending herself.

It was only for five minutes – he'd told Sephiroth that he had a visitor. Five minutes would be okay, right?

He was spending far too much time debating inside his head.

"Uh, Aerith? Sephiroth called in. He wants to see me … Leon will look after you for a minute." Cloud prayed that he hadn't just done something very stupid.

Leon twitched at Sephiroth's name – after all, he knew _exactly_ what Sephiroth was after – and he barely suppressed a small growl in the back of his throat, but he let it go. Besides, five minutes alone with Aerith was guaranteed to be entertaining, he was sure.

"Hurry back," he called idly. The door shut with a quiet click and Leon was alone with Aerith.

* * *

"Ah, Cloud. I am sorry to have disturbed you and your visitor – " at this Cloud shook his head dismissively, " – but something came up and I thought I'd better let you know as soon as possible."

Cloud did notice the odd tone in Sephiroth's voice but was far too occupied with worries about what could be happening in his absence. However, Sephiroth's next remark caught his attention.

"This morning I awoke to find a dog's corpse hung across my front door. Would Leon happen to know anything about that?"

* * *

Leon nudged Aerith gently to get her attention. "Hey, look what I found on the window."

He opened his hand and stretched it out to her. Aerith glanced at it, then did a double take.

"Hee … that's what you were looking at before," Aerith clapped delightedly.

Insects. Leon had always had a fondness for insects, ever since he was very young.

They were half squashed, as he hadn't been too careful in picking them up and had been keeping them in his hand for a while, but they were still alive and twitchy little things. Aerith and Leon both watched the tiny legs and round, bulging bodies jerk and jolt about. Aerith timidly reached out a finger to touch one, pulling back and giggling nervously as the jerking became even more frantic.

Leon absentmindedly plucked one by the wing and ate it, biting the tiny creature into two parts before swallowing it. Aerith watched with morbid fascination as Leon took another one, a shiny fat maggot that he had found nesting in the wood of the windowsill, and although it wasn't _technically_ an insect yet, he still ate it anyway. It was cold and a little soggy.

He offered his hand out to Aerith. Wide-eyed, she looked at him, and seeing only vaguely amused blue-grey eyes, hesitantly, shyly, pinched the head of another maggot and clumsily put it inside her mouth. It was slippery against the back of her throat. She coughed a little and it slid away, leaving a cold trail all the way down to her stomach.

"You want all of them?" Leon offered generously. "I've had enough for now."

Aerith shuddered a little. She didn't like the maggot. But she didn't want to refuse Leon's kind offer, since he was being so generous.

"O – okay," she said uncertainly and scooped them all into her plump and slightly sweaty palm. There was a faint buzz as a dying mayfly protested and attempted to drag itself onto her finger. Aerith lifted her hand and licked all the bugs into her mouth. She crushed them against the roof of her mouth, tasting something awfully bitter and sour blossoming inside. Leon's eyes always on her, she tried to swallow. Leon intimidated her. She didn't want to be a scaredy-cat in front of him!

The sound of Cloud's voice made her start ("Hey guys, I'm back!") and she gagged. Her stomach churned and she rushed to the bathroom.

"Hey, Aerith? Where are you – oh." Cloud stopped a little bashfully as he saw the bathroom door slam shut. Leon heard retching noises but Cloud seemed oblivious. He seemed to have his mind on other things. He sat down next to Leon and stared at the screen with glassy eyes. Leon slid his arm around Cloud's back, his waist, and pulled him closer. "What's wrong?" he asked softly. Cloud made a weak attempt at pulling away but he was too agitated about what Sephiroth had said.

"Cloud." Leon got his attention by lightly pressing his lips against Cloud's own, and pushing him back against the armrest. Cloud was snapped out of his reverie with the distinct words '_not this again'_ echoing through his head and he made to try to escape before realizing with a sinking heart that he had somehow been cornered into the end of sofa. Leon's weight wasn't entirely pressing him down but it was too awkward and he didn't have the strength to fight back. Today had drained him.

_Besides, isn't this what you really want? _Cloud felt sick in his heart and fought to stop any tears from forming.

Leon kissed him harder and cradled the back of Cloud's head in his hands, fingering blonde hair. Cloud broke his mouth open and suddenly tongues were involved and Cloud was kissing him back, wondering in the back of his mind what that slightly bitter, acrid taste was in Leon's mouth but not caring because Leon's hands were now running down his sides over his ribs and lower.

Cloud wanted to stop, he wanted to stop this because Leon knew that Cloud wanted this and he was just _using_ it all to manipulate him, using that strong hot mouth and kissing Cloud fervently so that the only thing he could think was _LeonLeonLeon_ and he was helpless like this, weak, he hated it … all Leon wanted was to see Cloud break. And he knew just how to do that, evidently, by the way Cloud found himself responding to those hands and those lips and everything else that he could no longer concentrate on.

The bathroom door swung open with a faint creak – hadn't he oiled it just two days ago? – and Aerith called out, "Cloud?"

Fuck! He'd forgotten about Aerith! Cursing Leon for so many things, Cloud tried to push him off but found that the brunette would not move. "Leon!" he hissed. He panicked. He couldn't let Aerith see anything! She wouldn't understand, she wouldn't know …

Leon stared at him coolly. _You're not getting out of this_. He gave Cloud a meaningful look and, dragging his hands tauntingly down Cloud's front to just above his jeans, stood up and smiled at Aerith. "Aerith, are you okay to watch Nemo alone? Cloud and I have to talk. It's rather important."

Aerith looked a little confused. "Um … yeah, okay." She nodded firmly and sat down.

"Good." Leon took Cloud by the wrist rather forcefully and dragged him to his feet. "Thanks, Aerith."

Cloud's heart pounded in his ears. _Shitshitshitshit –_

The soft cover of Leon's bed met his back and suddenly there were lips against his neck and cool fingertips _everywhere _and he realised to his horror that Aerith was sitting outside, all alone by herself, and he just _didn't care_. To add to the mortification a soft whimper escaped his lips and his fingers curled into the seam of Leon's jeans, pulling Leon's hips down into his and swallowing at what he felt. This wasn't what he wanted, he didn't want this, he didn't –

"Shush," Leon warned as Cloud gasped, surprised, when Leon started licking the edge of his ear. "Do you want Aerith to hear us and come in here?"

_No, of course I don't, just like I don't want you to touch me there like that, or there, or _shit that felt good

Cloud ran his hands over Leon's sharp hips, somehow knowing without wanting to that Leon's malnourished physique was all thanks to drugs, thumbs running over bumpy ribs and even bumpier nipples and a little surprised when Leon let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes momentarily.

Either there was something severely wrong with him, or Leon was just very good at what he did, but Cloud found that the hot tongue drawing saliva over his lips and violating his mouth was bringing out a heat inside him, flushing his already warm face and hastening his movements. His hands eagerly rubbed Leon's nipples in erratic motions, their tongues back down each others throats, and suddenly he was hit by the much unwanted urge to just strip Leon absolutely naked and … well, there was only one thing that was going to happen from here, he knew, and while he absolutely did not want it to happen, it was the only thing that he could think of right now and he was _craving_ it.

Again, he fought to stop the heat that irritated the backs of his eyes and the trembling that threatened to become a sob in his throat, but it wasn't so hard this time, probably due to Leon licking him all the way up from his belly button, hard and slow, and in the process removing Cloud's shirt with more ease than was natural. It served as a decent distraction and Cloud's back arched up involuntarily, pushing his stomach against Leon's mouth and vaguely wondering why his breath was so rapid and uneven. It made him feel light-headed and dizzy. Or was that due to something else …?

His fingers trembled as he unbuttoned Leon's shirt. _What am I doing?_ But it was too late now and he knew it. If he stopped now – not that that was at all possible, according to his general groin area – he didn't like to think about the consequences.

Leon had buried his face in Cloud's neck and he could felt teeth sinking into his left tendon. It didn't _hurt_ but it felt uncomfortable. There would be a mark later, most likely, and for no apparent reason – although it might have been his fingers brushing over the fresh scar in Leon's side – Cloud suddenly remembered (although he didn't know how he could have forgotten) that Leon seemed to have a liking for scissors. He hoped to hell that Leon wouldn't bring that up during the next few hours. Then he felt sickened at the fact that he'd actually allowed himself to accept that this would be what was happening for the next few hours.

"Mmm … you smell good," Leon breathed directly into Cloud's ear in a low voice. Cloud shuddered and let out a startled moan as Leon unbuttoned his jeans and slid his hand inside his pants. Giving him a brief feel and squeeze (Cloud had to bite his lip, hard, and remind himself that Aerith was _still out there_), Leon flipped Cloud's legs over his shoulders and slowly, deliberately, took his cock down his throat. Cloud let out another hoarse moan. His jeans were tangled around his ankles, effectively trapping Leon between his legs. He stifled the whimpers, wishing that he weren't so prone to making noise. Or did he just wish that Aerith wasn't there? Then he could make all the noise he liked. _Pervert._

Then again, when had 'blow me' been any good as an insult?

_Shit …_

His inexperienced hips bucked into Leon's mouth, handfuls of sheets clenched tight as he willed himself to _not_ scream, do _not_ scream, and most of all do not scream his _name_ or he'll know he's got you but Leon was good with his mouth, very good, and it was hard to concentrate and he only managed to suppress the latter syllable when he came, gasping out, "**Le**on –" and then biting back the sigh that wanted to escape as he drew a shaky breath in.

_He just sucked you off with Aerith on the other side of the door._

He couldn't even hear Nemo. Was Aerith still there?

"Why don't you just scream?" Leon whispered, his tongue running around the edge of Cloud's ear. "I know you want to …"

Fingers traced up the grooves in Cloud's neck around his jugular and quite abruptly wrapped around his throat. Cloud gasped for breath and found none, choked and yanked frantically at Leon's wrist with both hands and thrashed his head about until he started getting dizzy and his vision became foggy. _Can't breathe can't breathe_

Then he felt the pressure alleviate, the terrible crushing pressure that had so easily plucked his life from him and held it carelessly. His palms were sweaty and he could see tiny flashing spots everywhere. He gulped in air desperately, so hard that it hurt his starved lungs, and wiped his palms on the bed sheets.

He blinked hard and tried to calm his breathing. Air moving in and out of his lungs. In through his mouth, out again. He had thought he might die.

Leon waited for Cloud to regain his breath and his senses. "Leon …" Cloud almost sobbed, still gasping in air like a drowning child. "That hurt …"

The brunette froze and stared at Cloud. Scared blue eyes stared back. _Of course it hurt._ _I was holding your life in my hands just then. I could have crushed you like a fucking __**insect.**_

"I'm sorry. Please forgive me," he mumbled, gently kissing Cloud on his cheeks and forehead and chin, caressing the curve of his head. "Do you want me to stop?"

Cloud shook his head and arched his hips up into Leon's groin, to stress his answer. "No … just … don't hurt me."

He knew it was stupid to say it. Of course it was going to hurt. It was going to hurt now, and tomorrow, and for days after. He'd already dug himself in far too deep for it to ever stop hurting, where it mattered, in his heart. He'd really torn himself wide open now.

_You're so stupid, Cloud. One day somebody's going to take advantage of that._

When had he started to want Cloud anyway? The instant he met him? It didn't matter.

He reached down to strip Cloud's jeans away completely, keeping a firm grip on the smooth thigh beneath him. Something about this – all of this – felt wrong. He couldn't figure out what it was, but it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was here and now.

_Sora was small. Slender and tempting. He still retained, as did many children of his age, obvious traces of baby fat around his face and limbs. _

_Sora was a family friend. So close he might have been family. Leon wondered what it would be like to have a brother or sister, but he was not overly bothered by it. He enjoyed not having to share his parents' wealth._

_Sora was fun to play with. Sora was about six or seven, Leon could never remember. And while a teenage boy and a six-year-old might not have got on, the two brunettes found amusement together with no trouble. _

"_Hey, give me that," Leon teased, yanking the videogame from Sora's hands. "It's my turn now." _

"_Hey!" Sora shouted in protest. "I was gonna beat the boss!" _

_A small beep sounded and tinny music played dolefully from the speakers. "Aww you made me die! Now I gotta start all over again!"_

"_Let's play something else," Leon huffed, clearly fed up. _

_Sora sulked. "Yeah, okay." _

"_I have an idea." Leon paused. "Well … this game's only really for big kids … it might hurt a bit … I don't think you'd like it." _

"_Leeeeon I am old enough, I'm a big kid. Come on, let's play it!" Sora pouted, eyebrows drawn together._

_Leon chewed his lip, considering. "Well … okay. If you insist. You gotta get down on your hands and knees, like a dog." _

_Leon knew that his mother would either assume that they were fighting (again), or she would not hear anything at all over the noise the kettle was making as it whistled sharply. He didn't bother stifling Sora's screams, but he adjusted the pillows under the little boy's tight, sweaty, tortured body and peaked with a groan, burying his face into the nape of Sora's neck. If his mother heard __**that,**__ there would be no easy explanation. _

Maybe that was why everything had felt wrong. Because the first time he'd done it, he'd been underage. The first time he'd done it, he'd been ahead by eleven years instead of two years. The first time he'd done it, the child had not stopped screaming in pain.

At least he wasn't climaxing in a record time of five minutes like he did with Sora.

Silk. Everything was silk. Mouth, tongues, lips, skin. Sheets. Hair. The slippery warmth of sweaty limbs.

Supple, wiry muscles under his hands and a delicious little blonde fighting to hold back the desperate whimpers that Leon knew were rising in Cloud's throat. Cloud was weakened from the near-asphyxiation. He hadn't the strength to push Leon away. He didn't care.

Leon shifted his upper body so that Cloud's legs were hitched over his arms and felt a tremble as he gently prepared Cloud. No blades today. Something about Cloud's bare skin and nothing but two bodies seemed to have a subtle appeal to it. Leon didn't think it would last.

Cloud bit back his damned voice yet again when Leon drew his fingers out. Did Leon keep that lubricant in his drawer all the time? Had he planned for this? Did he use it with every new bed partner that he invited home?

Leon licked Cloud's neck almost shyly, then bit into the pulse, hard. He felt skin break between his teeth and held Cloud's struggling wrists down.

_That hurts that hurts _there was aching in his neck and then Leon let go of his neck and the pain vanished and then suddenly there was a new pain right between his thighs as Leon slid inside him. It hurt more – it stung, it felt odd, and he didn't like it – but it felt good at the same time …

He was confused, Leon could see. He brushed the blood away from the smaller man's neck, but it was slippery. Cloud was shaking beneath him.

Before Cloud had a chance to say anything, Leon pulled out, pushed back into him where it wouldn't hurt so much and the shaking stopped. He waited for Cloud to reach up and hesitant fingers gripped his hips in an encouraging manner. Slowly, rocking his hips, he built up a rhythm that Cloud could adjust to and he tried to be gentle in the process.

For some reason, he now lacked the burning compulsion to hurt the blonde as much as possible. There would always be another time anyway.

Cloud's eyelids were fluttering as he rolled his hips up against Leon. His legs ached and he could feel his throat throbbing under the wound where Leon had bitten him but it didn't matter and he had even forgotten Sephiroth's words to him because it felt good and Leon was being gentle for once and it was all going to be okay. They rocked together for a while, soft groans drifting past Leon's ears; Cloud had either forgotten or didn't care about Aerith.

It hurt, just a little. Cloud was lost between a sharp pain that he hadn't known before and a wonderful pleasurable feeling that made him guilty. _Letting another guy fuck you just to feel this. _When Leon found the right spot, that soft tissue deep inside the younger man, he didn't tease Cloud but only drove harder. Cloud didn't bother to hold back the hitching pleas that were meaningless anyway, as Leon wouldn't have disobeyed for anything.

"Nnnn – yes – there Leon _right there_ – "

Whore.

Something was a little off though. Leon loved this and it felt good and gods Cloud was hot and he had surely been right about the boy being a virgin. But … he felt it wasn't enough. He wanted more. Maybe he'd been pushing the meth a bit? He had been lusting after Cloud non-stop for the past fucking six _months_ or so.

Leon didn't realise that Cloud had screamed his name until the dead silence of the room hit him hard and he stared at the exhausted young man, wondering if Cloud had noticed that Leon hadn't said his name at all (not yet anyway). He pulled away, still needing to release. Oblivious, Cloud blinked at him with mixed emotions showing in his flushed face. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but eventually just took Leon's arm hesitantly, before giving it a small squeeze and rolling onto his side.

"Sleep tight, babe," Leon mouthed, reaching over to touch Cloud's cheek but stopping just short. He was dirty. He needed a shower. He needed to jerk off.

He pulled the covers over Cloud's shoulder and noticed that the door was still shut. Aerith was either deaf, or just stupid.

Well, she was stupid, that was for sure. Leon wondered what would have happened if she had seen what he had been doing to Cloud. He knew that taping kiddies was illegal. How about adults?

He shut the bathroom door behind him.

* * *

Contentedly watching the credits run down the screen, Aerith heard a faint cry that sounded very much like "A-aah, fuck me harder," and shortly after, the same voice cry out a little louder, "**Leon**!" But she wasn't really listening anyway. Nemo had just got lost again.


	4. Willy the Cheese Grater!

* * *

**Atrophy**

* * *

Even as Leon had disappeared into the bathroom, Cloud fought to stop his shoulders from shaking and forced the lump in his throat deep down where he couldn't feel it. 

_What have I done … what have I done …_

He had to get dressed. Aerith was still outside. With an unpleasant shock he realised that he'd cried Leon's name out several times. How much had she heard?

The room was warm and had a strong odour. It made him cringe to think that all of that had escalated from … from what? Was it Cloud's fault? Of course it was. He could have stopped Leon, he could have said no, should have, because no way Leon would do anything without his consent.

No way he was just deluding himself or anything.

* * *

It was dark already. Cloud had been reluctant to leave his mother – after all, he hardly ever saw her and he knew she got lonely easily. He'd seen the longing in her eyes, heard it in her voice as she offered him another coffee. She had already forgotten that he didn't drink coffee. It was a long time since he'd seen her, and he felt guilty for that. 

But Leon had been showing signs of restlessness and … well, it was better to agitate Leon as little as possible, he figured. If Leon acted up in front of his mother – or worse, did something to her – no. He couldn't have that. He'd been wary about taking Leon in the first place.

At least he could be grateful for the fact that nothing _had_ happened at his mother's. Cloud glanced sideways. "Thanks for the ride …"

Leon, as usual, said nothing.

_Could it ever work? Me and you? _Cloud couldn't help himself. He had to ask the question, even if it was only in his head.

Since when had Leon ever showed any sort of affection at all? Cloud didn't know if Leon was capable of any sort of genuine affection, nor if he even had a heart.

It wouldn't work. Leon didn't care, and that was it. He just didn't care.

Cloud wouldn't have minded having somebody special. Somebody that he would get excited about seeing. Somebody that he could tell all those little things that were meant for one person only. Somebody to really care about.

Who knew what Leon wanted … he'd proven that he was after Cloud the other day, when Aerith came over. That was, evidently, right after he strung a dog across Sephiroth's door. Trust Leon to be the one who made it a hobby of getting laid as a follow-up to desecration and vandalism.

Cool fingers took hold of his arm. "Come here," Leon said softly. In the black of the night, with only the moonlight as illumination, it was impossible to make out his expression.

Cloud thought he had probably fallen for the worst person possible.

Gingerly, he crawled over to Leon's side of the small car, and somehow they managed to squirm into a position where Leon was sitting in the driver's seat, and Cloud was sitting on his lap with his back to the steering wheel. It was awkward. Cloud didn't understand why they couldn't just go inside. Then again, Cloud rarely understood Leon's motives for things.

"You know …" Leon softly kissed Cloud's face, trailing down his neck as best he could in the cramped confines of his car. "You're something special, Cloud."

Cloud felt his heart stop beating. Leon had either saved him, or … or he had killed him.

Forcing Cloud's back into the wheel, Leon shifted forwards. It was a wonder they could both fit in there like that. His fingers curled into Cloud's groin and the younger jerked his elbow back in shock, sounding the horn with a long blast that split open the quiet night.

"Shit!" Cloud gasped, suddenly aware of the few lights that had switched on in the apartments around them. He tried to shift away and in the process he backhanded Leon's jaw. "Shit!" Cloud exclaimed again. "Leon, are you okay? I'm so sorry!"

Gingerly, Leon rubbed his face and shrugged. Just a little sting. Cloud wasn't very strong, after all.

"Let's go inside," he suggested.

A young mother from the apartment two doors down was passing by and stared at Leon as he dragged Cloud inside.

"What the fuck are you looking at," he spat at her, and sneered as she gave a barely audible squeak and scurried on.

Although Cloud tried to convey his sympathy to the poor girl in his eyes, he couldn't bring himself to say anything. He'd really dug himself into things now. He should have run a long, long time ago.

The door had barely shut before he was pushed into the kitchen, backed into the marble counter. Clean dishes and cutlery that was ready to be put away fell to the floor with a smash and a glass cracked with a loud splintering noise somewhere to his left.

Leon's gaze dropped to Cloud's lips. A faint mark was appearing on his face where Cloud had assaulted him. "You'd better make it up to me," he murmured. Tenderly he ran his hand down Cloud's arm and took his hand.

Cloud's heart was beating fast again. He had to stop deluding himself. Every time something like this happened, he got his hopes up. Felt like Leon maybe had feelings for him, treated him this way because he thought Cloud was special.

He couldn't help it. Even if Leon treated him like dirt, Cloud would fall in love with him over and over again. It was a curse. They say you only learn the real lesson once you've been burnt, but Cloud seemed to suffer from some sort of masochistic compulsion that kept him coming back.

He very softly kissed Leon's jaw as if kissing the bruise would make it fade quicker. His instincts told him Leon was just guilt-tripping him into doing this, manipulating him in the same Machiavellian way as he did with everything.

All of a sudden, Leon pulled away and gave Cloud an unreadable look. "Wait right here," he said quietly, and then he disappeared into his room.

Nervously, Cloud stayed put. He couldn't have achieved anything by moving anyway, it would only serve to anger Leon. If possible he wanted things not to get worse.

He heard Leon approach him from the side and half-turned to ask what he wanted. The words died in his throat as he caught a glimpse of hands over his face, a strip of white and then –

"Leon. I can't see."

"That's the point."

Cool hands slid around him from behind and Cloud stiffened. He wasn't going to let Leon get to him a second time. Oh no. That would lead to all sorts of … no.

A drop of water fell from his damp hair and rolled down his neck, trailing down his back. He shivered and realised the warmth at his back was gone.

"Leon?" Feeling a bit nervous, Cloud reached up to remove the blindfold when Leon grabbed him a little roughly and stripped his shirt down to bind his arms at the wrists.

Cloud had a sudden flash-back from early adolescence.

"_If you want her to keep still, tie her down."_

"_Isn't that rape?"_

_Reno just gave him a look and rolled his eyes. "No, stupid, it's only rape if they don't wanna do it. Otherwise tie 'em to the bedpost with rope or summin'." Glancing at Cloud sideways from the corner of his eye, he added, almost for the blonde's benefit, "Bondage and all that."_

Cloud felt an embarrassed heat in his neck. He'd never been fond of lewd conversation.

Leon pinned Cloud's bound wrists to the ground under his knees and ran his fingers over Cloud's upper arm, the bicep quivering slightly at the touch. Cloud licked his lips unconsciously and squirmed a little. His arms hurt from the odd angle Leon had forced them into.

Tracing the soft pale underside of Cloud's upper arm with a knife, he watched Cloud jerk in surprise at the cold edge. The point dug in and slid down in a thin wet line of red to the elbow joint where the blood welled and spilled out, where Leon kissed the shallow cut before lowering his lips to Cloud's in an upside-down kiss reminiscent of Spiderman. Cloud tried to cry out into the kiss and attempted to jerk his arms out from under Leon. His blood was already drying.

As soon as the kiss ended Cloud cried, "You cut me!"

Leon bit back a snarl and gritted through his teeth, "Shut up. Do I have to gag you as well?" The blonde's whines were worse than a screeching old housewife's. It was really starting to get on his nerves.

Beneath the blindfold, Cloud's eyes grew hot and prickly. He wasn't Leon's plaything. He didn't have to put up with this. Why should Leon be angry? When Cloud didn't even want this …

"Hush now, stop whimpering," came a hot, moist breath in his ear followed by a wet tongue that gave his ear a good lick.

"Oh … gross …" Cloud shuddered, the words slipping out before he could check himself.

Either not hearing – or more likely, not caring – Leon hauled him to his feet. Cloud was pushed backwards aggressively, harsh kisses forcing him back and back. He was going to fall over, he was going to trip on something, he couldn't see and this worried him, but more worrying still was the idea that Leon had cut him. Their first time had been clean, but a sick dread in the core of Cloud's heart suggested maybe things wouldn't go as smoothly. He felt powerless. Was this domestic violence? Leon had cut him!

Pain shot through his skull as it collided with the wall. He felt Leon's breath on his cheek. A tender kiss, then another. The coldness of the wall against his face and chest felt almost soothing. Leon's hands dipped into his boxers and Cloud cried out in protest when one of Leon's slim fingers started probing into his backside. Dry.

"Fuck! Leon, don't!"

Like he'd actually expected Leon to listen. Leon pushed deeper and Cloud's breath became strained. He wanted to scream. Cry, even. When the next finger pushed in he did scream and struggled to remove his arms from the tight bind of his own shirt. What the hell!? "Stop it now!" The words issued from his mouth like a reflex. He wasn't even thinking about what he was saying now, just anything to stop because it hurt like hell now but if Leon went any further he didn't think he could take it

Leon stopped. Cloud didn't realise for a moment and continued struggling and managed to get one arm free, but when he suddenly realised he was alone, he turned abruptly.

Arms around him. He still couldn't see, but he felt Leon hugging him and kissing his face. "Don't cry."

What? His free hand dabbed at the wet trails on his cheeks and he realised with a start that he _had_ been crying. Hadn't he been trying so hard not to?

A kiss was pressed to his ear. "I'll – "

A cold blade plunged into his chest.

" – make it up to you."

Cloud reached forward and blindly seized a handful of Leon's shirt. Sharp, sharp, unbelievably sharp pain etched out along the skin on his chest and he felt warm blood start to run down, over his nipples and down his abs where it thinned and dried out. A long grating cry poured from his lips.

Deftly, Leon carved the word '_Life'_ into Cloud's pectoral muscles. It was running dark red by now. He could smell the strong honey scent from where he was standing. The cut was hardly very deep – maybe a little deeper than a paper cut.

Okay, maybe a little deeper than that, but nothing Cloud wouldn't survive. Leon slowly lowered his tongue to the thin trails of red and licked the velvety red off Cloud's smooth white skin. Paradise.

_Slap._

Cloud backhanded Leon.

Free hand held to his face in shock, knife held just above what remained of Cloud's unshredded skin, Leon stared at Cloud in disbelief.

"Leon, don't you fucking touch me! I'm not going to …" Cloud's other arm slipped out of the makeshift straightjacket and he stood trembling for a moment, blindfold ripped off his face and thrown to the floor. "I'm not going to take this. You don't give a shit how I feel, you don't _care_ about me!" His hands came up and he buried his face in them.

Leon watched, enthralled, as Cloud's shoulders shook and he struggled madly to keep his composure, but eventually failed and collapsed into tears. It fascinated him to see Cloud sobbing his heart out like this. He drew in a breath, almost trying to smell Cloud's sorrow, watching the blonde's twisted expression.

A surprised yelp cut Cloud's angst short as a well-lubricated finger slipped into him and started massaging his sweet spot. He drew breath in through his teeth, trying to figure out when and how Leon had managed that, and _what a bastard, getting it on when I'm pouring out my fucking __**heart**__ to him _

But his body wanted Leon. Leon was good in bed, at least without knives involved. Cloud could tell that this was going to end up with him tangled in Leon's bedsheets again the next morning, hating himself and hating Leon … this all sounded very familiar.

Soft kisses down his throat. Soon he'd get accustomed to this and be able to just push Leon away. Surely.

He hated this. Why did he do this to himself? Why, why, _why_ couldn't he just walk away from it all and say it wasn't him, just say that he didn't need Leon and that it was all a lie?

Cloud wished he were stronger.

* * *

Knock, knock. Cloud awoke to a pounding in his skull. His head hurt. And his body. All over, and inside too. 

Wait, that was the door. Who the hell came visiting at this hour?

Blinking the sleep out of his eyes, he saw that the room was brightly lit – Leon's room was on the east side so it always got morning sun – and realised it was nearly midday. He still felt tired, too.

Gingerly, he slid out of the covers of Leon's bed and cracked open the front door of their apartment. In front of him was an impatient-looking young boy, early teens, twiggy limbs looking awkward in his ill-fitting clothes.

"Hi!" A bright smile, equally bright blue eyes. "I'm wondering if you've seen a dog around lately? Golden retriever, three years old. She answers to Hikari. I left the gate open on Monday night by accident."

A dog. Rudely pulled right out of his sleepy haziness, Cloud was unable to speak momentarily and simple gawked at the poor kid, too busy floundering for an answer to hide his horrified expression. A dog.

Leon appeared behind him, curious to know who was at the door. Like he ever bothered showing interest in anything but himself and his sick activities. He looked fresh, like he'd been awake for hours, even though he'd still been sleeping when Cloud left the bedroom. He was wearing jeans that were zipped but not buttoned so they seemed precariously balanced on his sad excuse for hips, and Cloud was sure that the subtle brush he felt against his backside was utterly deliberate, but this was out of sight of the boy and he didn't want to draw attention to anything.

The boy's eyes travelled past Cloud's shoulder and his smile froze, his body tensing rigidly. Noticing this, Cloud glanced backwards at Leon and was only puzzled. Did they know each other or something?

Leon bared his teeth. Maybe it was supposed to be a grin, Cloud mused.

"Can we help you?" Leon asked pleasantly. Blue eyes widened and the boy trembled momentarily before stuttering, "Ah, um, y'know, I should get going, I gotta – my dog, that is, I have to – oh god – uh, bye!"

Zoooom.

Wow. Weird. Cloud blinked. He turned, hoping perhaps for some sort of explanation from Leon, but only received a flat and disinterested, "What."

A feeling of nausea swept over Cloud as he mentally replayed the night in the alley. That kid's dog had to be – well, Cloud was assuming that it was the same dog Sephiroth had shown him in the alley that night. With the – with the leg and all.

Was it even still alive? The boy would find it, mangled and abused, would feel his heart shatter like Cloud's was shattering a little every day, but for a different reason. Painfully slow.

He very suddenly became aware that his body hurt, but in a different way to what he'd previously believed. Looking down, he thought he was seeing things for a moment.

The door slammed shut behind him and Cloud looked up with fright. Leon was casting a critical eye over him, taking in the red scrapes and lacerations all over his once smooth body, analysing him like a specimen. With a faint, "Hmph," he turned away.

Cloud stared down at his chest, his hips. He couldn't go out in public like this. Bruises and cuts stained his arms; it looked liked he'd been assaulted and mugged.

He had kind of been. In a way.

_"Leon, don't! Don't – oh, god … plea – uh …"A flash of white as he hit orgasm. A flash of silver metal as Leon cut into him again. Pain._

He needed time to himself. What he really needed was to curl up into a little ball and hug himself tight, to cry and cry and hate Leon and hate himself for what he had done and to hate life in general.

* * *

A short while later Cloud had managed to get over his self-indulgent, pathetic little griping about Leon and life. 

He hoped.

Leon had disappeared for a while and it was miraculous just how much more freedom he felt he had with the brunette gone. It was like the door to the cage had been left open. Oh, the possibilities …

Cloud rubbed his arms involuntarily. The wind was freezing. If only he could get that damn window shut! It had been stuck for a while. He kept meaning to fix it, but …

He braced himself against the chilly breeze and made to reach for the edge of the window, stopping in his tracks as he caught sight of something gleaming faintly all the way down the glass. Not just the light reflecting off the windowpanes, either.

Frowning, he stretched his head out for a better look. It was a suspicious colour and was spattered irregularly as if it had dripped downwards.

Cloud blanched.

What the hell was blood doing on his window?

It was on the outside of the window so he couldn't clean it off without leaning out dangerously far. He reached again for the window and chanced to look down. The people living directly below him had an umbrella set up outside – at this time of the year too – and a little more blood appeared to have spattered onto that. Even from up here the red contrasted glaringly against the grimy white of the canvas.

His eyes followed the trail down another few storeys until they hit a small crowd of people gathered on the sidewalk. As he watched, an ambulance pulled up and two people – paramedics of some sort, he supposed – pushed through the crowd to the centre.

Cloud dully watched them pick up the bloody mess that remained of a body, watched them load it gently onto a stretcher, and it was not until the ambulance had driven away, slowly and quietly, that his subconscious allowed him to realise that the body belonged to that kid who had come looking for his dog and had been spooked by Leon.

_Oh god … what have you done now, Leon?? _

He clenched his hair in his hands and turned around, leaning on the wall for support.

Leon was standing in front of him.

"Leon!"

"Cloud."

Cloud wanted to ask about the blood. He found he couldn't. Maybe it was better he didn't?

"What's up?" Leon asked amicably. Cloud caught the pun, whether it had been intended or not. _What's up. Very funny, Leon. How about what's down there? You know, that corpse?_

Grey eyes flashed past Cloud out the window. And Cloud suddenly knew not only had Leon seen the blood, not only did Leon know that he'd been looking at the whole awful scene, but that he was in trouble.

He'd always been in trouble though. From the very start.

* * *

Hyperventilating, Cloud tried to calm himself. Tried desperately, there was no way he could get out of this, he'd just have to take it like a man. He didn't even feel the need or the want to cry. He just knew that the pain was coming, could feel it already, and he was trembling madly.

Leon appeared to be at ease upon noticing Cloud's sad state. He hummed to himself and gently turned over the soft white underside of Cloud's skinny arm.

Tender, innocent skin ran all the way down Cloud's limbs.

The cheese grater slid into Cloud's arm.

Pain exploded in Cloud's arm in hot slivers, like glass, the bloody shards of flesh that were peeling out through the metal holes, pain so exquisite that he could taste it or maybe that was the blood in his mouth because he'd bitten his tongue.

Cloud screamed. He screamed for his mother, screamed for it to stop screamed Leon's name he was going to go to hell, this _was_ hell it _burned_

A crease appeared between Leon's dark eyes as he dropped the utensil and peered closer at the damage. Well, the emotional damage. He didn't much care for the physical damage right now. That was irrelevant. He drank in Cloud's agony like nectar. The room was quiet apart from the blonde's frantic gasps as he fought to deal with the pain.

He wished he could hold Cloud's pain. Like a delicate silk, and _feel_ it being shredded apart. He wanted to watch as it broke, like Cloud was breaking now.

Fascinating.

He knew Cloud was distressed about Sora. Sora, who was beautiful. Sora, who had loved freely and merrily.

Such a shame he'd been upset over that dog, really. If only he hadn't been so afraid of heights.

Hm.

Cloud's gasps had subsided and he was now breathing raggedly, teeth clenching as he tried to look away from his mutilated flesh. It was never going to heal. Never. A lot like other things, in that sense.

Cloud was boring. Leon dropped the cheese grater into Cloud's lap and walked off, leaving the blonde bound to the chair and bleeding all over the tiles. He could always come back later.

* * *


	5. Opportunities

ATROPHY

* * *

Warm brown eyes gazed at him unblinkingly. Cloud was sure that nobody else in the world understood him. What he was going through. His only true friend heard what nobody else could.

Ever since his childhood, Ted had been there for him, a silent friend who never said no and was never too busy to listen to Cloud, and was always ready for hugs. Especially when Could needed it most. He needed it most at this very moment.

He was still, his furry, worn teddy bear clutched to his chest. His room was quiet.

Before, the twenty-odd years ago when Cloud first met Ted, Ted was originally white.

Cloud's wound would not cease bleeding but he didn't have the heart to get up and do something about it. He just bled into Ted, his suffering drenching Ted in sticky, viscous crimson.

Leon had let him go after shredding him. Cloud hated being in this box. Something kept him here and it kept him coming back for more. Coming back for Leon. It was damaging him - he hadn't been to class or to work and he knew his absence would become noticed.

Was he becoming accustomed to this endless torture? Maybe he was becoming apathetic. He wasn't crying now nor did he feel like it.

No, Cloud corrected himself. Not apathetic. Pathetic, maybe.

* * *

Leon's eyes fluttered gently as he slept, pupils moving erratically beneath closed eyelids. Cloud paused to watch him a moment - dry, unkempt hair kissing his skinny shoulders, naked in the pale sunlight.

He smiled sadly. Leon was beautiful. It was a shame because he could be - well, could have been - so much more. Cloud reluctantly admitted to himself that it was probably too late for Leon to alter his current destructive self.

Leon's eyes slid open and he was puzzled to find Cloud staring at him.

"What are you doing in here?" he murmured sleepily. He felt the warm afternoon sun on his back and a sudden hunger in his stomach. When was the last time he had eaten food?

"Sorry. I …" Cloud floundered. He had come in for no good reason, really. Caught off-guard. He hadn't known how quickly time might pass while he was standing there admiring Leon. One could almost pretend that he was as innocuous and gentle as he appeared while he was asleep.

Leon turned onto his side and stretched, knowing full well that Cloud was watching his muscles shift and flex under his skin.

"Come here," he whispered, fixing Cloud with a long, hot stare and smirking once he saw that Cloud was unable to look away. He was melting. Leon could feel it.

The blonde edged into his arms, searching Leon's eyes for acceptance. Leon tilted his face closer until their foreheads were touching. He parted his lips slightly and waited for Cloud's slow, sweet, unsure kiss to greet his senses.

He wrapped his arms around Cloud and kept encouraging the kiss deeper, deeper. Cloud seemed to have forgotten all about his injuries, only sighing very softly when Leon's fingers curled around his wrists to hold him down. Leon felt sticky wetness on his fingers where he had carelessly torn open the wound from the cheese grater. The wound had barely started to clot and heal. It felt crusty around the edges. Leon thought of fruit left out in the sun to rot, or meat that had been left in the fridge way too long. He tightened his grip and felt Cloud jerk in pain and surprise as his traumatised flesh split open and started bleeding again.

Little beads of shiny red gathered on his skin and slowly grew fatter, rolling down his arms. Leon broke off their kiss and slowly, slowly, he licked. Slowly he licked Cloud's fresh running blood and it was subtle, weak in small amounts and like a rare delicacy. Smoky, rich but oh-so-subtle. And red. Red was a fantastic contrast. Red was Sora's favourite colour. Red was the colour of blood and guts and entrails. Leon felt himself grow very hard. Not that blood and guts got him off. But blood and sex on the other hand … Blood and sex and Cloud.

He knew Cloud wanted sex. He looked at Cloud's expression. Hurt, antagonized. The wound was not superficial. It would become badly infected after Leon's saliva and fingers had been in it. He smiled darkly at Cloud.

"It hurts," he stated softly. "I know a way to make it go away."

_Why are you still hanging around? Don't go to him. Haven't you learned by now? _Cloud tried to reason with himself. The sickly pain breaking through his wrist cleared his mind of the confused, hazy discord that so constantly haunted him these days. He tried to convince himself to run, now, but he saw opportunity in Leon's dangerous eyes. Opportunity, yes, because he loved Leon, an opportunity that Leon might somehow learn to love him back.

But wasn't that what all victims of domestic abuse thought? With each progressive bruise, the little housewife told herself that he really did love her and that if she just stayed a little longer and gave him one more chance … and one more chance turned into another and another and of course it was just self-delusion. Cloud thought he had probably fallen for the worst person possible.

In a tormented voice Cloud cried out, "Just leave me alone! Stop playing this damn game with me!"

Leon raised an eyebrow. Feisty. Cloud definitely wanted sex. He could feel it against his thigh. Using his whole body weight, he pushed Cloud over onto his back and sat on his legs, kissing up his chest and neck to his chin, cradling Cloud's face with his hands. Cloud's breathing had already sped up. Leon pulled off the blonde's shorts easily. He put his hand on the fabric of Cloud's underwear and massaged him slowly and teasingly and kept Cloud's tongue busy with a long kiss that still didn't muffle the groans rising from his little throat. Cloud's fingers dug into Leon's back and dragged down to his hips, long red trails burning deliciously. He felt, to his mild surprise, the same fingers slide into his boxers. Suddenly a moan escaped from his unsuspecting throat - since when did Cloud ever get so good at giving handjobs? He let Cloud continue for a short while but the desire to fuck Cloud was overwhelmingly strong. With difficulty he pushed Cloud's hand away.

"Still want me to leave you alone??" he asked simply. Cloud was out of breath and looked flushed and impatient, his ocean eyes fiery and his hair a tousled mess. Even if he answered with a yes Leon would not be able to let him walk away. In fact, Leon mused, Cloud might not be able to walk anywhere for a while after today.

He flipped Cloud over onto his stomach and crushed his hips downwards, making sure that Cloud felt, between his thighs, just how much Leon was not going to leave him alone.

Gears whirred for a moment in his head and he figured if he got Cloud off it would definitely be easier to do what he wanted with him. He could make Cloud desperate. He could have him begging.

Flicking his tongue over Cloud's pale nipple was easy work. So was wrapping his warm hand around the blonde like _that_, and so was nipping the sides of his neck and shoulder. Soon he had Cloud in a slick, sweaty, moaning mess. Just how he wanted him. He kissed Cloud's stomach along the healing scar where he had cut life into him (Leon sniggered internally - '_life' - _it would be there for a while, without a doubt) and gently stroked his tender wrist, making Cloud shiver but not uncomfortably.

"Get up," he growled into a delicate pink ear that was tender from being bitten, and he pushed Cloud against the wall and removed his clothes with ease. Cloud was obedient and like a doll, doing what Leon asked of him without resistance. In the very back of his mind Leon reproached him for not putting up any sort of fight - hadn't he learnt? Who was the person who cut his skin the other day? Who put his wrist through a cheese grater? - but it was easier this way. He liked submission. He would have got it eventually anyway. As strong as Cloud might like to think he was, there was only so much pain he would stand before giving in, before submitting. A hard pain started to creep up from his lower stomach at the thought. He needed release and damned if he didn't get it with Cloud acting so dominated.

His hands found their way to Cloud's shoulders and he forced Cloud to his knees, still against the wall, and grabbed the back of his head.

"Suck me," he commanded, and he thought it was fair, because even if Cloud didn't want to do it he had done it for Cloud more than a few times and it would only be just, they could call it even after this. When Cloud hesitated, as Leon had predicted he possibly might, he dug his fingers into blonde hair and pressed his heavy cock into Cloud's lips. As Leon had also predicted, he yielded almost immediately, letting Leon slide deep into his throat and out again. They both groaned for a moment. Christ. Leon wanted to cum now, wanted to make Cloud swallow everything and watch his expression when the sour taste hit his tongue, but he was enjoying this for now and thought he would rather that it last a bit longer. Never had he found anybody's _mouth_ to be so incredibly hot, as was Cloud's. Silky and wet. He jerked in and out, enjoying the way Cloud's tongue collided against him sometimes and he almost cried Cloud's name out when it all built up and it was too much, but he bit his bottom lip hard and just let his body empty itself, hard, into Cloud's waiting mouth, letting out instead a shuddery breath that was wordless.

It was damned hard to walk with his legs feeling so weak after that and his body totally limp, like it had been drained of all energy. Well, it kind of had been. He collapsed back onto his bed and watched Cloud with droopy eyes and a bored expression.

Cloud had never given a blowjob before, nor had he really thought about it. Leon's semen was thick and bitter and he did not like it. It didn't strike him as something that humans were supposed to ingest. There were stray threads of it still on his tongue and lips and he couldn't bring himself to swallow and he just stood there trying to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand, for the moment not caring that Leon was watching him sleepily. Pulling his pants back up his legs, he lurched out of the bedroom and slammed the door behind him, running straight to the bathroom.

* * *

The bathroom did not smell like Leon. The bathroom smelt clean and fresh (because Cloud cleaned it weekly, as with everything else, god forbid that Leon lift a finger to help him) and Cloud had locked himself in.

Cloud leaned forward and almost unnecessarily shoved two fingers to the back of his throat, acid burning his stomach and mouth instantly. He vomited it all out, cleaned out all of Leon that he had, dressed himself as best he could. The same painful sense of Leon rushed up his gullet and sprayed out in violent bursts, tears gathering in his eyes. His stomach contracted in on itself and he felt sick. As sick as one could be while one was vomiting, anyway. His body felt assailed and his head was hurting, spinning. He hated throwing up. It was so awfully unpleasant, like Leon.

He took a shuddery breath and spat out the vileness remaining in his mouth, wiped his lips with the back of his hand and stared at the pieces of his life in the sink. What was he still doing here? What was he waiting for? He cursed himself for being stupid enough to fall for Leon. There was nothing in it at all. It was hopeless. What did he see in that beast, anyway? He had lost all of his friends; he had nobody to turn to. Aerith … Aerith could not understand. He had been deluding himself.

Cold water splashed onto his face as he rinsed his mouth again, and his chin and throat and let the cool rivets run down his temples and face and rinse away the mess in the sink. Vaguely, he remembered hearing that water swirled the opposite way in the other hemisphere.

He wished Leon would drown himself. Was the solution to kill Leon? To end this comedy? He could plead provocation. Leon had already killed him a long time ago. Leon had cut him, raped him, assaulted him and damn near caused his death enough times.

A tragic reflection looked back at him when he glanced at the mirror. _Holy fuck … look at what I've done to myself._

Cutting yourself was overrated these days - all the kids seemed to talk about it and all the celebrities seemed to do it - but getting cut by somebody else was the real horror. He had let Leon do this to him. There were dark red lines all over his body, his chest and neck and stomach, and a stained bandage tied around his wrist in an effort to finally try to reconcile his experience with the cheese grater. He had a fucking scar across his chest that read 'life', for god's sake. How long would that take to disappear? Months, years? How would he explain it away?

No. No more of this. No, Cloud was going to be a man for once. A man. A man with a plan. Out of sight, out of mind, and he was going to get Leon out of his sight. Or the other way around. He knew one thing, though, and it was that if he stuck around and kept giving Leon those extra chances, he would end up looking a lot worse than this. Not just the cuts, but the emotional abuse and the mind-fucks. Cloud was no sado-masochist. He dreaded pain. When you could see it coming, when you knew what you were in for and you knew what was going to happen to you, it was somehow worse.

No. Cloud would not let Leon take advantage of him again. Surely all it would take would be a simple 'No,' or - or Cloud could just walk away. He could get on with his own life.

A knock on the door disrupted his internal pep-talk and he jumped, his heartbeat suddenly racing from the sudden shock. He cracked open the door to find Leon fixing him with a cool stare.

"Somebody's wanting to come in," he said simply, in a low voice. He sounded tired.

"Why can't you get it?" Cloud snapped. It felt good to tell Leon that he couldn't just do as he liked. Maybe he was growing a spine again after all this time.

Leon shrugged. "I think the police want to ask about Sora."

And just like that, all of Cloud's hopes for the future went out the window. Hah. Out the window. Ironically. He stared at Leon, trying to read the expression on the cold creature's face, but saw only faint drowsiness and a slight smirk. Did Leon even care? He supposed not. Leon would have done what he did without thinking about the consequences, as always. He acted capriciously with absolutely no foresight. No, he left that to Cloud.

There was no walking away now.

Cloud stared at Leon a moment longer with a crumpled expression. He licked his lips quickly and, looking away from Leon, went to answer the door.

Two blue suits outside, one standing off to the side and the other leaning in through his door. A sombre expression marred an otherwise pretty face, a grim twist that didn't suit a pretty mouth. Cloud looked up at the police officer, trying to hide all the emotions that he was sure showed in his eyes. She almost reminded him of Leon. Long dark hair, pale, angular features and a less-than-cheerful demeanour. A real bombshell.

"I'm Officer Lockhart. I need to speak to you about an incident that happened yesterday," the beautifully sad young woman smiled, but it was forced and put Cloud less at ease if anything.

"Wha – um, okay," Cloud tried to keep his cool. He knew Leon was stalking about the apartment behind him. He bit his lip and tried not to panic. It didn't work. His chest felt suffocated, his feet went numb and he felt like the floor had fallen away from him.

"Could I come in? You are Cloud Strife, correct? " There was a tone of something assuming in her words. She slipped a paper into his hand as he let her in the door. Cloud didn't waste time reading all the small words and numbers and scribbled names but he understood that it was a search warrant.

_Shit_. He was in way over his head. How did everything build up like this so fast?

Leon was smoking at the window, something that Cloud hated and Leon knew he hated. He turned and almost smiled at Cloud when he followed Officer Lockhart into the room. _You and me and a corpse, baby. _

Cloud avoided his gaze. Lockhart introduced herself to Leon and he just smiled sweetly at her, shaking her hand and enthusing, "Pleasure."

He was so charming. Cloud was sure he had charmed Sora into falling out of the window. He would charm Lockhart into letting him get away with murder just like he had charmed everyone else in his damn life. He was a real spider with a web, oh yes.

"I have some questions about a young boy called Sora who was found dead on the sidewalk yesterday. He fell from a height and I have good reason to believe that he fell from a window of this building." She raised her eyes and looked at Cloud, who only looked terrified. If he hadn't given the game away at the door he sure as hell had now.

"Did you know Sora?"

Leon nodded. "Yeah."

Lockhart fixed him with a hard stare. "And how's that?"

_Well, he was my childhood pal. I fucked him when he was six and I pushed him out the window yesterday. _"I knew him as a child. We met when I was fifteen when our parents were in good relations." He flashed a dangerously attractive smile at the officer and shifted his weight casually, to show he was relaxed.

Cloud kept his eyes down. He couldn't believe the masquerade that Leon was leading in front of him. Would he get away with it? Cloud didn't think so. He glanced at the bloodstains on the window and sighed. Perhaps he did it intentionally or perhaps he forgot about the gravity of his situation, but his movement did not go unnoticed by Lockhart. She coolly asked Leon if he had seen Sora recently, while walking over to the window as if to look at the view. Leon stared at Cloud for the longest time as Officer Lockhart gazed out the window, her hand tracing over the small bloodstains that were already dull and darkened, and Cloud could only hold back a sob as Leon stated, "Yeah, I saw him yesterday. I pushed him out of that window."

Nodding, Lockhart brought her hand to her chin. She was surprisingly cool about it and Cloud had not seen a fleck of shock in her dark eyes. Perhaps not everybody was crushed by Leon's charisma.

"Cloud, can you confirm this?"

Cloud shook his head. He hadn't been here, hadn't seen it. He had seen no evil. His eyes watered and he willed himself not to cry. He vaguely remembered the months before, when he had been relatively happy and had still been able to smile. Walking in the park with Aerith. Dinner with Sephiroth. Even having goddamned conversations with Leon without being terrified of him. He had been normal. What happened to turn all of this upside-down? He used to be a fighter. Whatever happened to Cloud Strife?

The sharp snap of metal invaded his soliloquy and he watched as Lockhart led Leon away, gesturing at him to follow her. "Strife, come on. You have to help me out here. Don't make it hard."

All he'd ever done was make things hard for himself. If only he had run, right at the beginning. Leon was not capable of love. Leon didn't even love himself. Cloud didn't know what he had ever hoped to get from Leon. A sore ass and a sorer heart. Was that all he could expect from somebody he loved?

"Move your ass, don't make me arrest you too," she growled after she had waited a few minutes for him to pull himself together, and Cloud finally gathered the courage to get up and walk away from the apartment.

* * *

Leon's trial was in a week. They had not been gentle with their questioning and Leon had almost been angry once or twice – just because he couldn't believe how _stupid_ these people were– but they weren't worth it and anyway even if they wanted to punish him, even if they wanted him to 'pay' for what had happened, the truth of it was that Sora was dead and gone and he would not come back and there was nothing they could do. Put him in jail, fine him, kill him, but none of that would make Sora not be dead. His lip curled. They didn't get it! What was done was done. That was the beauty of it, the beautiful truth that people struggled to cope with. Despite their mindless attempts to rectify the situation, Leon had done something that could not be undone. It couldn't be helped.

Like that time he had hurt Cloud. Or the other time. Or – wait. He laughed a little bit. Anyway, like with Cloud ... it couldn't be helped. Once it was done there was no taking it back.

He had one week to spend with Cloud. It wasn't like Cloud was all that occupied his time, but that was how he would best like to spend one week before he probably went to prison.

He had read somewhere that psychopaths did everything and anything for personal gain. Well, there was a hell of a lot of truth to that, but what they had forgotten was that sometimes, you just didn't give a fuck.

He flicked the lighter in his hand idly and it seared to life for a brief second before disappearing. His expression growing pensive, he wondered if he gave a fuck.

Well no, he didn't, but he sure liked to have fun. Fun was always better with another person as he didn't think entertainment by himself could compare.

"Cloud."

Cloud appeared not to have heard him. Leon repeated his name only to get the retort, "I'm going to work."

"Oh. I didn't know you still had a job."

Silence. Cloud had not been very forgiving with him ever since the questioning at the station. He supposed that the police had asked him all about their relationship and what Leon was and was not capable of and whether it was likely that Leon had spoken the truth when he said he pushed Sora out of the window. Leon hadn't followed up. Whether or not Cloud had dobbed him in was irrelevant, seeing as Leon had already told them everything.

"Cloud. Don't you think we have fun sometimes?"

Cloud didn't answer – Leon was kind of getting used to it – and started to put on his jacket. Leon grabbed his arm before it disappeared into the jacket sleeve and kissed his fingers gently. He saw Cloud's eyes flick away from him, probably to convince himself to walk away, so Leon took his chin and kissed his cheeks with a little smile. "I think you're good fun."

"I have to go," was all Cloud said as he pulled away. He knew Leon was just fucking around with him. That was how Leon got his fun. And he was walking away, for once in his life. He thought that this could be an opportunity to get rid of Leon. Once Leon went to prison, perhaps Cloud could stop letting people walk all over him.

Leon watched him go and thought that it might be an opportunity to win Cloud over again. It wasn't over yet. Cloud was naive and loving and if he thought Leon was going to prison he was wrong.


End file.
